I’m crawling back into myself, at least for a little while… I’ve put my facebook on deactivated (but only temporarily–I think it’s set to automatically reactivate in 7 days), my twitter and instagram are on private, my dating apps are deactivated (not deleted). I’ve cleared my entire phone log, as well as text messages, plus I logged out of skype. I am doing my best to disappear online.
I am tired of people. I am also tired of putting my life on display (granted, I do that to myself, but opening yourself allows for others to feel as though they are allowed to criticize without invitation). I am tired of being the one who reaches out, instead of the one that others reach to. That being said, I’m going to try to stop reaching out. I’m also going to try to not respond if someone does reach out to me, at least for a little while, at least until I feel better.
I spent years refusing to open up to anyone. In my twenties, I learned that it’s better (in theory) to open up, to allow people to see who you really are. But now, in my mid-thirties, I’m learning that I don’t think that’s true. It’s better to remain closed and impersonal. I’m tired of inviting people into my life, only to realize much later that it was a mistake.
I just need time to lick my wounds.