too hot everywhere

I don’t even live in the hottest area of the country, but it’s still too hot.  Ugh.

How does anyone keep motivation to do anything in the heat?

I did, however, finally tune the mandolin I got for my birthday.  That’s step one to learning how to play it.

Try to keep cool!

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Fostering

T and I signed up to take a fostering orientation in October, after the wedding.  We’ve talked about having kids, but I’ve always wanted to foster or adopt, and anyway, with our ages and finances, having our own kid is not really an option.  We’re both very aware that fostering is super hard shit, which is why I want us to get started on the learning aspects of it.  After the orientation, there’s a 27 hour training, as well.  Not that I think that’s quite enough, but, again, we’re just starting.

I’m not sure we’re ready for kids, but is anyone?  My biggest concern about having kids around in general is that I want us to be more financially stable, which in about a year, we should be (we’re probably fine, but I like to have a lot of cushion).  As for fostering, I just worry that we won’t be prepared.  Those kids come with a lot of baggage, and none of it is going to go away quickly.  I don’t want to be a disaster story.  But I also want to be able to offer a home to kids who need one.  And that is why I want us to get started on the process.

I’m hoping that we’ll be more sure of where we want to live at that point, as well.  I certainly don’t want to be renting where we are for forever (although, buying a house may not be an option any time soon).  But that’s yet another big decision.

July already?!

I think we’re finally in the swing of things.  It’s taken awhile, but I think we’re there?  The boxes are gone, we’ve done a ton of yard work — the front yard was a dust bowl when we got here, now it has plants and greenery and it looks great.  The back yard is our next battle — we’ve bushwacked back there quite a bit — nothing had been done for probably 15 years.  Next, we’re hoping our landlords will pay for materials and we’ll fix it up.  We did the front yard out of pocket, but the front is much smaller and we wanted to show we could do a good job.

Our wedding is in 3 months!  We’ve gotten the suits ordered, we have an appointment to see rings (from a eco-friendly, queer-friendly, local jeweler), we are mailing invitations today.  We’ve had the venue for awhile, we’ve met with our bartender and photographer.  We’ve booked our flights and hotel for the honeymoon.  Honestly, it feels like we’ve done a lot of the big ticket stuff that you have to do ahead.  We still need to finalize what we want to make for food (because we’re doing it ourselves). Oh, and a dozen other little things, like music, decorations, cake, etc.

As for out little dog, he’s doing better, but my goodness it is a lot of work.  He’s a chewer, and he’s trying to destroy our stuff.  He recently started chewing on my couch (I love my couch), and I was nearly ready to get rid of him.  But we’re going to make this work and train him up, and once he’s older he shouldn’t chew so much, anyway.  At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling me.  It had better be true.  He still has a wonderful personality and is just so friendly.  It’s hard to be mad at him for long, even when he is truly horrible.

It’s time to get ready for work for me, but I am going to try to start blogging again.  Honest.

May the 4th

…be with you.  Happy May the 4th!

—-

I feel as though I never blog anymore.  I’ve blogged more or less consistently my entire adult life, and really, even in high school, so probably about 20 years worth.  But these last couple of years…  it’s like a drought.

We’ve moved.  We’re semi-unpacked.  We’ve begun working on the front yard in an attempt to make it look decent.

I am tired and frustrated and glad and relieved.

all things new

Disclosure: Not all things are new.  Yet.

We, my fiance and I, decided to get a new dog.  A month before we move in together.  And he’s living with me and going to work with me.  His name is Spike, and he seems to be a chihuahua terrier mix.  He has a great personality.  My cats aren’t exactly happy, but I’m making it work.  [I did almost have a breakdown when I couldn’t get them to eat for nearly two days–I’d put their food on the table so the dog couldn’t get it, but they wouldn’t touch it.  So I have it in the bedroom, which is blocked off from the dog, and they started eating again.  I suspect they wanted their food on the floor, where it ‘belongs.’]

I’ll tell you this.  I maybe need to pay a bit more attention to my anxiety levels when I’m making big decisions, such as to get a new pet that I have to train on my own for a month.  Especially when it’s a month away from moving.

My packing for said move has more or less stalled, but I’m sure I’ll get back to it this week and weekend.  I mean, I don’t have much choice if I’m moving in a little more than three weeks, right?

Wedding planning is mostly on hold until after the move.  And I think we’ve finally decided to not worry about house hunting until at least after the wedding.  It’s just too much otherwise.

Deep breaths.

hit the brakes

ugh.

It looks like things with the house are not going to go as hoped.  Apparently, T’s ex’s lender somehow (despite T not being on the application) didn’t realize that T was not going to stay on the loan (wtf), so it has to go into underwriting again.  This is after two months.  It looks like they will simply sell instead.

Which is all fine and good, especially because it is almost for certain that T will get more money from selling.  Except that the house won’t be listed until April at the earliest (if her ex doesn’t drag her feet).  That means it likely won’t be sold/settled until end of May.  That means we can’t get started on any house hunting until around May, which is when the housing market really starts getting competitive.  We can’t afford to be competitive.  We can’t offer more than asking.  We can barely afford asking.  Not just that, but we’d likely not be in a house until July or August at the earliest.  That’s months from now to continue living so far apart.

So I told T that I think we should just try to rent.  She doesn’t want to rent long term, but I’m trying to get her to understand that we’ll likely be priced out of the market by next year.  We’re almost priced out as it is, and the  market is only predicted to continue going up.  Our salaries are not going to pick up comparably.  She doesn’t like this, neither do I, but I can’t see anyway around it, other than intending to be long-term renters, or to move to a cheaper area.

This whole situation has already caused too many fights, and I can see why someone wouldn’t want to get involved with a person who still owned property with an ex.  I’m not saying I’m not still glad I’m with T, but it’s so incredibly frustrating to have our future depend on her ex.  I’m supposed to simply put my life on hold because of her stupid, fucking ex.

I just want to move forward.

Big Updates

It seems that a lot has gone on in the past almost two months.

First off the bat, I got engaged!  We’re getting married in October, and things are already lining up well, so that is a relief!  We’re definitely planning a very low-key wedding, so that is helpful. But other than doing the planning we have to do right now, we’re putting it off, because…

We’re trying to buy a house.  The one big hitch (other than having not enough/barely enough money for the up-front costs) is that T still owns her house with her ex. ugh.  Her ex  finally did agree to buy her out, at less than half the equity, after futzing around for two months, but now her ex is going to require her to be out by the end of March.  We were hoping she could stay until at least April because we can’t get going on our house stuff until we have cash in hand from the house.  Of course the market is so expensive that it will still be quite hard to afford anything.  It’s incredibly frustrating.

The other option was to sell the house, but her ex refused to do that unless everyone was out of it, and since T actually lives there, plus has pets, that was unrealistic.  Plus we knew she would drag it out as long as possible, and we want to start our life without her.

I’m going to tell you, it’s a lot of big stuff all at the same time.  (T also started a new job this month.)  We have talked about just renting for a year, but we have four pets between the two of us, and we’d end up paying just as much as, if not more than, a mortgage.  We’re also worried we’ll get priced out of the market if we wait because we’re barely able to be in the market now, and prices will only continue to go up.  Renting isn’t completely off the table, though.  It’s just not our first hope.

I’m going to try to blog on a more regular basis.  I’ll try to give you updates on the house and the wedding.

Hope your Monday treats you well!

ups and downs

My apartment manager is a complete fuck-tard.  My administrator at work has it in for me.  My girlfriend’s mom does not like me.

These things are giving me a shit-ton of anxiety in combination.  I would say that it might be me, but the apartment manager clearly has “small man” issues and needs to engage in constant power plays, my administrator doesn’t like my boss (and so by extension tries to take it out on me), and my girlfriend’s mom is, sadly, a miserable person.

Here are the good sides of each of those.  I am planning on moving out at the end of my lease this March or April.  My boss is a great protector for me and will go to bat for me against the administrator.  My girlfriend has already and will continue to talk to her mom about acceptable ways of treating me.

But now I am going to eat dinner and binge on Gilmore Girls.

 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Or, at least, Merry Christmas to the few who may still read this blog.  I am going to try to get more consistent at updating.  But I have let several things go by the wayside in recent months, so…

I had a good holiday overall.  Woke up with my girl, went to my folks’, came home.  Everything went smoothly, which is great.

I had the urge to play my guitar when I got home, so I did until my fingers got too sore to continue.  I haven’t really played in months/years, depending on how you look at it.  I haven’t played regularly in years, for sure.  I think my problem is two-fold.  One, I am not as disciplined as I ought to be. Two, I learned to play in a religious context, and nearly all my music is church-based.  Which is slightly problematic at this point in my life.  What I need to do is find some teach yourself guitar books (because I am at best a basic rhythm guitarist) and song books that are easy and have songs I know already.

It’s that or sell my guitar to someone who will play it regularly.  Musical instruments should be played, not stored.  Plus, my guitar is a solid top Martin, so not a bad guitar at all.

Night, all.

Happy Thanksgiving?

I know it’s been forever since I blogged.  Not for lack of intention, but somehow I just haven’t made the time.  I think a lot of it is that I spend all day on my computer at work, so when I get home, I don’t want to spend more time on it…

Overall, things have been great.  There are a few hiccups at work, but nothing big or worth mentioning at this point.  So I’ll get to the point of today and leave the last few months in the past.

Today I had Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family.  Tomorrow we will do the same with my family.

But today left me feeling horrible.  Growing up, my family had a bad relationship with my dad’s family, in particular his mom, but also his sisters tended to follow suit.  They did not like my mom (and so by extension us kids), and it wasn’t a secret.  I grew to hate holidays, and when we were finally uninvited from family events, I was relieved.  I’ve always sworn I would never be with someone if we can’t get along with each other’s families.

So, my girlfriend’s mom is a mean bitch.  The problem is that she is a mean bitch to everyone who is not her family.  But my fucking god, it reminded me of everything I felt growing up at family holidays.  And now I have to figure out a way to talk to my girlfriend about it.  Somehow I have to be able to talk about it objectively, even though nothing I feel about it is objective at all.

At least tomorrow should be good.  My immediate family has a pretty good time together over all.  My brother will be there with the kids, as well.

Big sighs and deep breaths.