Okay, so I did not present my new boss with my idea. I did sketch it out and get a detailed plan as to how I might. But I did not. I realized it’s a bit premature of an idea to present to a man who wants to cut costs, not incur them.

Unfortunately, he also wants to somehow combine his team at the other facility with ours. And I’ve only heard they are hot messes. I am not going to farm out my beautifully clean work to people who do not know what they are doing. Oh, no. I can do more than I think. And that is my idea. To do more and to not worry about it. I have great capacity to get things done.

You may have heard of a little thing called COVID-19, aka the Coronavirus? We are at the epicenter of the outbreak in the US. I don’t normally say much about where I live or those details, but I’m in the Seattle metro area. And I work in nursing home (no COVID-19 cases yet). And my wife is on two immunosuppressant drugs. Life has gotten a bit weird here.

We are not stockpiling anything. But I do worry that when we run out of something, we don’t be able to buy it. Hopefully things get back in stock. Neither of us can work from home, so we’re both going in every day. And we’re just being cautious.

We’re supposed to go to Disneyland next month. We have been planning this trip for about 8 months. I have everything booked – even down to a reservation for dinner for Fantastmic so we can watch from a terrace while sitting. But Disneyland is closed through the end of this month. And it may close for longer. Plus, with our governor’s response to the panic, I am just daily waiting for him to close the borders to/from Washington. (Or for Trump to do the same.) We haven’t canceled yet – we are going to wait until the bitter end – but we expect that we will have to cancel. If so, we intend to reschedule for September. More waiting, but that’s the soonest we could feasibly go.

You guys, this thing is nuts.

brave ‘like a man’

Obviously, Thursday left me with a lot of feels. On Friday, however, I met with my CEO to discuss a “Take it Back Project” I have to do for a leadership program I’m in this year.

We discussed my idea for my project and the conversation naturally flowed to the changes at work and with management. In total, the conversation was around an hour and a half, so this was no quick chat. We have a lot of unknowns at the moment, so I decided to tell him my ‘ideal daydream’ for how I’d love my office to look.

I told him that I’d like to become the Office Manager (we do not presently have this role), and that our accounting assistant would then learn and take over several of my current duties. We’d have to hire a clerk part time to make this work. But then, I would have time for my new duties that I’m taking over, plus the projects that I really want to do (as that is what truly excites me – new challenges and projects). He actually really liked the idea and was in full support. He wants me to present the idea to our new CFO to see if the CFO would support it.

My CEO does believe that it will go over well. The CFO (who, if you recall, we are contracting with from another facility) is somewhat concerned, apparently, about having the time to support us like we need (we are such a skeleton crew). So my CEO believes this would alleviate the concern and prove we can be self-sufficient for the daily running of the business office. (We would then use the CFO when needed for consulting or for the things you need the ‘big dog’ to do – like lay the smack down.)

I talked to my coworker about this after my meeting. He was also in full support (although he did tease me later about my ‘power grab’). He’s been there about 23 years, so I figured he would know if it seemed like a good idea and if it would work. I haven’t talked with our accounting assistant yet, but I will do so if the CFO approves my idea.

I have never really approached someone before and said “I would like to do this thing.” This thing being create a position for myself that it is exactly what I would like to do instead of what I am currently doing. But I know it is also a thing many men would do without question. And why let my gender hold me back? This is a great opportunity, as we are in a state of flux, to make my move and get a better position. Plus, you lose every chance you do not take.

Now I have to figure out how to present this the best way and come up with a rough idea of what I will say. I do not know our CFO hardly at all, so it is not the same as approaching the CEO, who I have worked with for years.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Interning it up

I’m taking a year long accounting certificate course at my local community college, and I’m required to do an internship. Luckily, I am able to do it at my current job. Unluckily, it means adding an extra 15 hours or so to my workweek without adding extra hours in the day. However, even though I’m definitely behind in my normal work and not on top of things like I prefer to be, I am learning a ton! And I’m really enjoying seeing the real-life applications of my accounting courses. I told my co-worker, who is my internship supervisor, that I never feel more like an intern than when he asks me to put a specific piece of paper in the printer. (ha) Still, I won’t be sad when this is over in 3.5 weeks.

Of course, then I’ll be in my last quarter of classes, full time again (on top of a full time job!), with one class meeting twice a week on campus after work. My other classes are all online, which is my preference. But twice a week, I will have to abandon my pup at work (I take him to work every day) and go to class from 5:30pm-7:40pm. Hopefully, my boss will be there most of the time and will keep him company. Otherwise, the kennel it will be.

I’m also applying for a leadership institute that my boss wanted me to do. She said I should be able to get in, as she has talked to the woman who coordinates it and our organization has never sent anyone before. But like I told my boss, I still have to put my best foot forward because I am not going to count any chickens before they hatch! I’m really hopeful for this experience because it will be a good thing for me personally and hopefully for my career, as well. It’s a year long program, and will overlap with my last quarter at school, but there is only four times a year you meet in person over two days. Plus work has to pay for it all, so this is nothing but good for me.

I am so lucky to have a boss who believes in me and wants to invest in me. Not every one gets these chances, and I wouldn’t be able to do them on my own. And so very hopefully, they will help me advance my career. I love my job, but I want to do more.

And at that, it’s time to start getting ready for work.

ups and downs

My apartment manager is a complete fuck-tard.  My administrator at work has it in for me.  My girlfriend’s mom does not like me.

These things are giving me a shit-ton of anxiety in combination.  I would say that it might be me, but the apartment manager clearly has “small man” issues and needs to engage in constant power plays, my administrator doesn’t like my boss (and so by extension tries to take it out on me), and my girlfriend’s mom is, sadly, a miserable person.

Here are the good sides of each of those.  I am planning on moving out at the end of my lease this March or April.  My boss is a great protector for me and will go to bat for me against the administrator.  My girlfriend has already and will continue to talk to her mom about acceptable ways of treating me.

But now I am going to eat dinner and binge on Gilmore Girls.


summer angst & other stories

I think that warm weather makes me angsty. It definitely makes me cranky.

Lately… I don’t know. I think I cause my own problems sometimes.  Today has been a doozy of a day.  (Yes, I just said “doozy.” I may be 35 physically, but I’m definitely a grandma on the inside.)

This morning, I checked my mail to find  notice from my doctor saying she is moving to a different clinic.  The doctor it took me over a year to find. The doctor that didn’t give me strange looks because I present butch, that was comfortable with talking about sex (and *gasp* lesbian sex, including toys), that made me feel like I could actually talk with her about health issues instead of feeling awkward and uncomfortable and wishing I were anywhere else.  Damn.

Then I got to work and realized I’d made a mistake that will cost my organization about $1,000.  Now, in the big scheme of things (our annual operating budget is about $18 million–or was it $8 million –either way, it’s a lot), it’s not a big deal, but losing money is the exact opposite goal of my job.  Anyway, my boss was great about it, so that’s nice, but I still feel like trash.

And then, to ruin my otherwise not great day even further, on the way home, I had a total jackass behind me.  White, middle aged male, in case you were wondering what type.  I was at a light, with a protected left turn, but the traffic turning was backed up into the intersection, so I didn’t go.  That’s when he started honking, gesturing at me, and flipping me off.  When the light turned yellow and I still didn’t go (with the cars ever present, blocking the other lanes of traffic), he got even angrier.  Then when the light turned green again, and it was clear, he laid on the horn and gave a long lasting blast as I went through the light in front of him.  He continued for quite some time, and since I was only going toward more non-moving traffic, I went about 5 miles an hour to get there (because I am a bit petty).  Anyway, he finally pulled over after passing me, which made me nervous because I was worried he would get back behind me to follow, but he did not.

But what the fuck?  What an asshole.

Regarding the woes I was having with my bestie, we have made up.  She apologized, and we’ve talked it out, and I feel good about that.  She is making a clear effort to make time for me, and that’s all I can ask for.  However, her birthday has passed, and I still don’t know what to get her.  Oi.

In non-angsty news (mostly), my sister’s birthday is next weekend.  I found a super cool Dr. Who themed steam punk style fascinator.  She’s a fan of both.  Of course I decided it needed a hat box.  Word to the wise: you can buy cute hat boxes at Daiso for $1.50.  Do not attempt to decorate your own that you got at Michael’s. It’s a fuck ton more work than you would imagine, not to mention the cost is greater.  Anyway, I got some cream colored canvas for the outside, plus used some great blue cheetah print fabric for the inside.  I need to hot glue on a nice ribbon for the hat box band, and I stenciled on a fantastic Victorian style “S” (for her name) that I also sprinkled with diamond dust glitter.  I should take pics when I’m all the way done because I think it’s turned out well.  However, next time, I swear, Daiso it is.  (I didn’t know until after I’d done most of the work.)

And now, I am sitting shirtless at my computer (damn weather), drinking a beer, and figuring out how to kill time until I head to my girlfriend’s for the weekend.  (I am waiting for traffic to die down.)

I hope you all are having a better day than me.  I also hope my weekend does not follow suit from today!

thinking only of the good (denying the bad)

I got a raise yesterday at work.  I hadn’t expected it, nor had I asked for it, so it was the best kind of raise.  Apparently my boss meant to give it to me after 3 months, but that was also the beginning of the year and things were crazy busy.  So I got it for the last pay period, and now I have a bit of extra cash (since I haven’t budgeted it away yet).  Kind of exciting.

Things are going well with T.  She is really awesome.  Example: last week, I was craving cream cheese wontons (who knows why).  She had some delivered to my apartment!  Seriously, so nice and thoughtful.  Anyway, since most of our dates are spent in bed (ahem), this weekend we’re going to have a proper date… dinner and a movie.  Ha.

Mmm, it’s time to go to work.  Yay, Friday!

blogging & dating

Apparently I haven’t blogged for almost a month.  Woo boy.  I’ve been busy.

Work has been great.

I’ve started seeing someone.  It’s early stages.  It’s kind of scary because of all the potential.  Seriously.  It’s also exciting for the same reason.  I don’t want to jinx it by writing too much, so I’ll stop there.

I will say that she’s been the bright spot in the midst of all the political horror we are enduring every day.

I’ll try to write more often.

lots going on lately

I’ve successfully accomplished two weeks of work at my new job.  So far, so good.  I’m enjoying what I’m learning and the tasks.  It does bring to mind the question of if I should start the python course in January.  I have until December to decide.  Here are my quick thoughts about it: I have found myself on a career path for finance, and the jobs I’ve had so far are preparing me for a good job someday in a non-profit context (which is what I want). However, will finance be interesting long term?  If I take the python course, I will want to use it–it’s $1000/quarter and three quarters long.  I’m not so flush that I want to spend $3000 on something I’m not certain I will use.  That’s a lot of money.  It could go to my student loan.  But what if I take it and don’t use it or can’t get a job–it is a very competitive field, after all.  Ugh.

The last date I mentioned — the thai dinner person — we never ended up going bouldering. But she was recently separated from a long term relationship, so she wasn’t exactly ready for a relationship anyway.  Or anything, in my opinion.

Since then, I’ve gone on a couple dates with another person. She thinks vulnerability is a good thing.  At the end of our second date, she laid all her cards on the table. I was in shock, to be honest. Not at what she said–nothing shocking about that–but that she was willing to be so open. It has been my experience that I’ve had to put my cards on the table first, with generally a lack of cards in return. (That has not always been the case, of course.)

She’s femme, but not like super femme or anything.  Just… femme-ish.  I have all sorts of fears about dating a femme presenting woman, so I’m going to have to work through those myself.  My big fear is them wanting me to be part of a fake heteronormative relationship because I present butch.  But that is an unfair fear, I think.  She has given me no indication that she is looking for that, and while it is something I should bring up eventually for my own piece of mind if we keep going on dates, I can just continue forward and see how things go…  Right?

Today starts the first of three evenings out in a row.  Tonight I am seeing a movie at a queer film festival with a friend. Tomorrow I am going to dinner and a concert with a friend of a friend who recently moved to the area.  The next night I am getting my tattoo finished.  Phew.