I’m taking a year long accounting certificate course at my local community college, and I’m required to do an internship. Luckily, I am able to do it at my current job. Unluckily, it means adding an extra 15 hours or so to my workweek without adding extra hours in the day. However, even though I’m definitely behind in my normal work and not on top of things like I prefer to be, I am learning a ton! And I’m really enjoying seeing the real-life applications of my accounting courses. I told my co-worker, who is my internship supervisor, that I never feel more like an intern than when he asks me to put a specific piece of paper in the printer. (ha) Still, I won’t be sad when this is over in 3.5 weeks.
Of course, then I’ll be in my last quarter of classes, full time again (on top of a full time job!), with one class meeting twice a week on campus after work. My other classes are all online, which is my preference. But twice a week, I will have to abandon my pup at work (I take him to work every day) and go to class from 5:30pm-7:40pm. Hopefully, my boss will be there most of the time and will keep him company. Otherwise, the kennel it will be.
I’m also applying for a leadership institute that my boss wanted me to do. She said I should be able to get in, as she has talked to the woman who coordinates it and our organization has never sent anyone before. But like I told my boss, I still have to put my best foot forward because I am not going to count any chickens before they hatch! I’m really hopeful for this experience because it will be a good thing for me personally and hopefully for my career, as well. It’s a year long program, and will overlap with my last quarter at school, but there is only four times a year you meet in person over two days. Plus work has to pay for it all, so this is nothing but good for me.
I am so lucky to have a boss who believes in me and wants to invest in me. Not every one gets these chances, and I wouldn’t be able to do them on my own. And so very hopefully, they will help me advance my career. I love my job, but I want to do more.
And at that, it’s time to start getting ready for work.
It seems that a lot has gone on in the past almost two months.
First off the bat, I got engaged! We’re getting married in October, and things are already lining up well, so that is a relief! We’re definitely planning a very low-key wedding, so that is helpful. But other than doing the planning we have to do right now, we’re putting it off, because…
We’re trying to buy a house. The one big hitch (other than having not enough/barely enough money for the up-front costs) is that T still owns her house with her ex. ugh. Her ex finally did agree to buy her out, at less than half the equity, after futzing around for two months, but now her ex is going to require her to be out by the end of March. We were hoping she could stay until at least April because we can’t get going on our house stuff until we have cash in hand from the house. Of course the market is so expensive that it will still be quite hard to afford anything. It’s incredibly frustrating.
The other option was to sell the house, but her ex refused to do that unless everyone was out of it, and since T actually lives there, plus has pets, that was unrealistic. Plus we knew she would drag it out as long as possible, and we want to start our life without her.
I’m going to tell you, it’s a lot of big stuff all at the same time. (T also started a new job this month.) We have talked about just renting for a year, but we have four pets between the two of us, and we’d end up paying just as much as, if not more than, a mortgage. We’re also worried we’ll get priced out of the market if we wait because we’re barely able to be in the market now, and prices will only continue to go up. Renting isn’t completely off the table, though. It’s just not our first hope.
I’m going to try to blog on a more regular basis. I’ll try to give you updates on the house and the wedding.
Hope your Monday treats you well!
I never did get around to telling you about how it went when T met the parents. I mean, I think I mentioned it briefly…
The first meeting was at my niece’s birthday party in June, as planned. It was pretty chill; the parents were friendly. There was no weirdness or angst. I did find out after that my mom was upset that she was the last to know (my siblings knew first), but I told her there were pics of us on facebook, so if she ever logged in… Anyway. It was weird to have her upset that I hadn’t told her. Encouraging almost.
Since then, there have been many opportunities to interact. We went to a little shopping nook with my parents and sister and had lunch. We did a day trip for my birthday. There was another niece’s birthday. My parents moved last month, so we’ve helped a few (3 or 4) times with that. We’ve been out for my sister’s birthday. They’ve been so friendly and open. I’m sure they’d still rather I was not gay, but I’m so pleased they are being nice. Mom even gives T hugs.
Honestly, I could have never expected this. Granted, the level of excitement my mom feels for my brother’s girlfriend definitely eclipses how she feels about my own; however, that is to be expected. (Although, I would like to point out that my brother’s girlfriend has not helped with the move even once. I’ve got that beat. But I think T and I both feel like we need to go above and beyond to win the parents over. Plus, I owe it to my folks. They’ve helped me out so much over the years.)
It’s good. It’s weird and unexpected, but it’s good. Maybe in time, they will see it as a good thing, as well.
I’m signing a year lease renewal on my apartment. It feels weird to do that, every time. But I have no plans of moving anywhere in the next year, and fiscally, it makes the most sense with my goals. I have a full size washer and dryer, a fireplace, no pet rent, and a fairly responsive management team. Why would I leave?
In regard to the woman I’ve started seeing, I do believe she will be sticking around for awhile. So for expediency, let’s call her T. We’re officially only dating each other. But I also refuse to call it anything yet (which, thankfully, she is fine with). I think she regards me something akin to a skittish colt with as much as she keeps thinking I’ll bolt at any moment. Can’t think of what I’ve done to give her that impression… hahaha
I just have no idea how these things work, and as I’ve insisted, things could blow up in our faces at any moment. I don’t know her that well yet. It seems weird to start something when you don’t know everything about a person, but it also seems weird to not start something until that impossible point. Really, this is me being in my mid 30’s, having no idea what it means to have a relationship, no idea how to have one, no idea of any of it. I suppose I’ll just make it up as I go.
And not to be a complete middle-schooler about it all, but I just keep worrying I’ll fuck it up somehow. It’s so early stages. Is that bad in and of itself? Or normal? Or completely without meaning in the big scheme of things?
We’re both filling out this yes/no/maybe sex questionnaire that I wanted us to do… Because I’m a big nerd who likes to try new things in bed. And because I have such a hard time saying what I like or want or want to try, I thought this might be a good way to get the conversation started. (Although, I have told her a few things already, because she is pleasantly persistent.) I like that I’m seeing someone who is okay with doing these things and doesn’t think I’m lame.
It’s weird that it’s going so well.
I kind of hate that any time past 8pm feels late. But there it is.
I’m not going to the Women’s March this weekend. Maybe I should, but… here’s the thing. I don’t really have many friends in the area (i.e. people I know to march with), I’m not a big fan of crowds, and I live in a very blue area of my state. So… I’m super happy that this thing is happening. I’m excited that thousands upon thousands will be marching. However, I think I will end up visiting my brother and nieces instead.
More and more, I am realizing that I need a group, people, a crew, a core. It’s lonely being by myself, and I am not even talking in a romantic sense (that part is not lonely–I still maintain that the main driving force behind wanting to find a LTR is financial stability). My friends are few and far between and all very busy with their own lives.
I went to a party yesterday at one of my newer friends’ houses (who is also my barber). And it was a party of queers–all kinds, and I remembered again how comfortable I feel in those situations, how much I feel like they are my people and the people I need. I need to focus on getting more queer friends, on establishing a friend group here, one that has space for me and a desire to include me in their lives.
After our fifth date, I decided I didn’t want to see that woman I mentioned anymore, and so I texted her my reasons, and she concurred. And all I could think was that I was the more forthright of the two of us, since I was reading her hesitations to her and telling her the situation wasn’t going to work for me, despite the fact that it was only that way because it wasn’t working for her. How frustrating that people, adults, can’t seem to speak up or acknowledge what it is they are truly looking for. Learn who you are, embrace it, acknowledge it, give yourself space to breath and grow.
I am going to bed. It is late, and I am tired.
I take things too much to heart. I hear about a member of the queer community, of my queer community, dying and even if I have not met them, it is a blow that knocks me low. These are never natural deaths. They are premature and unnecessary.
Perhaps I do not take it too much to heart. Perhaps I take it just enough to heart.
So, feeling a little down already, I thought I may as well watch Titanic, because despite what you think of the actual movie, the real life events were horrific. I watched the movie, then I googled true life stories from the Titanic, then I finally went to bed at midnight. What a stupidly late night.