This week has been an emotional roller coaster, but without any of the ups.
I don’t know what to do about the friend situation I’m in. There have been a series of slow texts between the two of us. I’m not sure if I want to try to repair or if I just want to let it remain broken. I unfriended her (and her husband) on facebook a couple days ago. That was only because I truly felt (feel?) there is nothing left to what we had and no point in keeping anything. With that, I couldn’t handle seeing her on social media.
And I am a purger. I often purge too early or too thoroughly, but sometimes it’s what I need. But if we try to repair, I don’t know how feasible it would be. The hurt on both sides–the hurt I’ve felt and didn’t communicate until too late and the hurt I’ve committed toward her during the blow out–it’s nothing to be forgotten easily.
In other news, my girlfriend showed up unexpectedly last night at 4am. With alcohol on her breath. She is currently sleeping, but I can guarantee there will be a conversation about this once she’s up. I’m not pleased. One, I’m certain she was driving with too much alcohol in her system. Two, I do not like being woken up in the middle of the night (and so close to my normal waking time that I was unable to go back to sleep). Three, I have a plan for my night/day that I do not like to have hijacked. I can forgive a one time dalliance, but if this is a thing that happens more, then that is something I will not be able to handle. Making bad life choices is one thing, but making bad life choices and involving me is quite another.
I don’t like excessive drinking. I don’t like unsafe choices. I am 100% not okay with driving under the influence. I am not okay with someone not respecting my personal space. While I am certain that sober she would not have made that choice, that is exactly the problem. I don’t want to date someone who is going to make those kind of choices and then involve me in them. I have a feeling she will feel bad when she wakes up, but I want to be with someone who will not make the kind of choices she has to feel bad about when she wakes up. Anyway, I’m hoping this is a one-off and we can move on.
What a mess.