Disclosure: Not all things are new. Yet.
We, my fiance and I, decided to get a new dog. A month before we move in together. And he’s living with me and going to work with me. His name is Spike, and he seems to be a chihuahua terrier mix. He has a great personality. My cats aren’t exactly happy, but I’m making it work. [I did almost have a breakdown when I couldn’t get them to eat for nearly two days–I’d put their food on the table so the dog couldn’t get it, but they wouldn’t touch it. So I have it in the bedroom, which is blocked off from the dog, and they started eating again. I suspect they wanted their food on the floor, where it ‘belongs.’]
I’ll tell you this. I maybe need to pay a bit more attention to my anxiety levels when I’m making big decisions, such as to get a new pet that I have to train on my own for a month. Especially when it’s a month away from moving.
My packing for said move has more or less stalled, but I’m sure I’ll get back to it this week and weekend. I mean, I don’t have much choice if I’m moving in a little more than three weeks, right?
Wedding planning is mostly on hold until after the move. And I think we’ve finally decided to not worry about house hunting until at least after the wedding. It’s just too much otherwise.
I snuck out of a second date tonight. Like a complete ass.
I had a pretty good first date with her last weekend, but I was unsure of a few things. However, still willing to go on a second, because that’s how you find out, right? She feels similarly about gender (although is self-described gender-fluid, which is different). But there were all these things… some shallow, maybe most shallow, it’s hard to say.
Her hair did nothing for me. (I am a sucker for good hair.) She was a giggler. Wtf. I laugh, all the time. But I laugh. I am not into giggles. The occasional chuckle, sure. Giggles? What are we? Fifteen year old girls?! It’s so unattractive.
And then for the real kicker. She kept telling me how excited she was to see me, how she had a good feeling about me, how she liked all these things about me. (What things? We went on one date.) And that made me so incredibly anxious. It sets up expectations that I know I can’t meet (nor do I want to). Sure, be excited, but keep it to yourself. I don’t want to know it.
So here we are on this date. We had a casual dinner, then were going to watch Fantastic Beasts. I’m freezing cold because I got cold at dinner and couldn’t warm up again (my life story). The movie was not exciting me. And I felt dread and anxiety about the person sitting next to me, giggling. So I got up to use the bathroom and ran out to my car where I texted that I left because I wasn’t into the movie, was anxious, and was an ass. She wrote back to say she hoped we could try again. Um. No?
I need to be with someone that I’m into and that doesn’t fill me with anxiety. And maybe that person doesn’t exist–which is cool so long as I get some action here and there. And even if not, I’m pretty good with being by myself, to be honest.
I do not like having feels.
That aside, I went to a naked lady spa today with a friend. It was actually quite fun. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about the nakedness (my own, not others), but it wasn’t an issue at all. I’d totally go again.
I’m feeling awful about life in general. It’s hard to keep perspective.