love life upswing

I’m signing a year lease renewal on my apartment. It feels weird to do that, every time.  But I have no plans of moving anywhere in the next year, and fiscally, it makes the most sense with my goals.  I have a full size washer and dryer, a fireplace, no pet rent, and a fairly responsive management team.  Why would I leave?

In regard to the woman I’ve started seeing, I do believe she will be sticking around for awhile.  So for expediency, let’s call her T.  We’re officially only dating each other.  But I also refuse to call it anything yet (which, thankfully, she is fine with).  I think she regards me something akin to a skittish colt with as much as she keeps thinking I’ll bolt at any moment.  Can’t think of what I’ve done to give her that impression… hahaha

I just have no idea how these things work, and as I’ve insisted, things could blow up in our faces at any moment.  I don’t know her that well yet. It seems weird to start something when you don’t know everything about a person, but it also seems weird to not start something until that impossible point.  Really, this is me being in my mid 30’s, having no idea what it means to have a relationship, no idea how to have one, no idea of any of it.  I suppose I’ll just make it up as I go.

And not to be a complete middle-schooler about it all, but I just keep worrying I’ll fuck it up somehow.  It’s so early stages.  Is that bad in and of itself?  Or normal?  Or completely without meaning in the big scheme of things?

We’re both filling out this yes/no/maybe sex questionnaire that I wanted us to do…  Because I’m a big nerd who likes to try new things in bed.  And because I have such a hard time saying what I like or want or want to try, I thought this might be a good way to get the conversation started.  (Although, I have told her a few things already, because she is pleasantly persistent.)  I like that I’m seeing someone who is okay with doing these things and doesn’t think I’m lame.

It’s weird that it’s going so well.