The other shoe finally dropped, but I’m not sure it dropped so much as I tossed it.
On Sunday, C invited me to her place for coffee. We talked for hours. But the more we talked, the more some of my concerns solidified in my mind. Concerns that had already been playing at the edges of my mind, and now were brought to the forefront.
She doesn’t seem to understand that being queer is not the same as being straight. Every way that she talked about relationships and dating and sex was so heteronormative. Now, in her defense, she’s never dated a woman and has only dated men thus far. But there was just a huge lack of knowledge of anything queer. I mean, she didn’t even know what dysphoria was.
Anyway, I brought up all this to her the next day over text. The long and short of it was that she doesn’t like to identify with labels. I tried to explain how being queer isn’t a label so much as it’s a way of life, a community, an identity. She acknowledged her implicit acceptance of the straight label, which annoyed me even more.
So that was basically the end of that. Dinner was cancelled, and I haven’t talked to her since.
I’m okay with a lack of experience (in many ways, I feel like I have very little experience myself), but I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who wants nothing to do with being queer and who wants to model their relationship after het-relationships. I’m not into mimicking a straight relationship. Especially with her being femme and me presenting masculine–I am not going to be the “man” of the relationship. I’m gay for a reason.
Straight friends don’t seem to understand this, though. My queer friends do (they all say she sounds super straight). It’s things like this that I don’t think I should bother bringing up to the straight friends. I hate having to defend to them what my other friends both understand and think is reasonable.
But I already have two dates lined up, so you know I’m doing just fine.